Meliorism

Meliorism (n)- the doctrine that the world tends to become better or may be made better by human effort

 I’m caught up in my privilege tonight. Not only as being a citizen of the developed world, purely by chance, but also my comparative luxury in my position here. I have so much, more than enough to live comfortably (and the extra money in my bank account here confirms it). 

Would it be so wrong to give a child a coin here, give someone a new bucket or tin of shoe polish there? 

I understand the problematic nature of external aid giving commodities freely, as well as the undesirable association of foreigners with aid/wealth/freebies. It feels so rude though, to deny people simple requests over and over again, especially when it would be so easy to grant them.

 Moreover, in the beginning of my service, it made sense to deny demanded gifts, so people would get to know me and understand the motivations of Peace Corps better. Halfway in, people clearly have not accepted that my role is not to give things and it doesn’t feel like people have any interest in getting to know me. 

I’m just realizing people here almost never ask me about my life prior, my interests, anything that makes me, me. I receive sweeping questions about happenings in the US or very specific questions on day-to-day life here (Mwaya kudi? <Where did you go?>, Mwadyang’a? <Do you eat this?>, Munakuya kudi? <Where are you going?>). 

Is this an element of collectivist culture, where one’s unique personality fades within the context of community? Is this because I’m an outsider, while everyone here has an intimate knowledge of each other’s histories, so it’s not thought to ask? Is it because I don’t ask enough? I’ve asked my host family and the children personal sorts of questions, but rarely adult acquaintances. Maybe I need to be trying more.

On the subject of giving, I feel like if people knew me as a person, they wouldn’t make grand demands. Small presents, like the kinds I give my host family, are an easy way for me to give back in a material way. 

Does it have to be giving back, in order to avoid the issue of aid dependency? I think it has to be incentive or payment. That implies I am benefiting from the transaction, which isn’t what I want either.

A few times, community members have used me to convince each other to participate in projects or programs they requested from me. “She has come all this way to help us, now we have to help her,” is how the argument usually goes. What I want is to be able to give, to share what little I have, with the community without any attachments or implications. 

I don’t know how to do that…The embassy grant perhaps? It’s a program from the US Embassy to give funds for community based projects…but it requires the community to be mobilized and organized. Otherwise, connecting sub communities to capacity building sources of funding? That makes me feel like I’m doing well at my job but not well at being a decent, generous human.

6 April 2018