Iracund

Iracund (adj)- having a tendency to be easily angered

I have been pervasively angry this week. Any way you could spin it: surly, disagreeable, isolated (and self-isolating), hormonal, curse-ridden, and sad. Disappointed, perhaps more accurately.

I usually contend it is better for one's happiness to count blessings, not grievances, but I think it I will try removing them from my mind by putting them here. I think what's happening is an amassed cohort of small frustrations is coalesced into one tumultuous thunderstorm in my head. I would really like to discharge some of its electricity before I leave for IST tomorrow, in order to help feel excited about returning a month from now. Here are my current frustrations:

-no network at home, plus feelings of discomfort/ridicule using the network on the hill
-terrible roads and sand -> less than functional bicycle
-back, knee, and wrist pain from bad roads, more physical labor than I'm used to, and bad sleep
-terrible skin here being publicly called out by Zambians- not so great for the self-esteem
-so hard to eat well here! My poor garden was ransacked and fresh fruits and vegetables are so hard to come by this time of year. I feel I'm not taking care of what I put in my body
-teachers at the school seem thankless, slow, not keeping time, don't spell particularly well, and seemingly don't teach!
-students not responding to my questions and saying they understand, when they clearly do not, in both English and Lunda
-people not coming to the meetings they specifically asked for. Lateness is fine by me, but just not coming with no notice or explanation frustrates me so much
-not having done any fish farming work
-cultural and linguistic isolation. I can't think of any way to beat the nighttime loneliness here. Books and music only go so far
- the bushfires
-how almost no one seems to understand my Lunda
-missing Stephen and family
-the f*ing flies. Writing that, I felt my blood pressure rise. Also, why I am swearing so much recently? In the past, my cursing is a direct influence of the people around me. No one here is cursing, not in English anyways. Is it just this cumulative frustration oozing out in explosive vulgarities?

I'm not sure whether or not this helped. Between this, the yoga from earlier, and the tea I'm drinking, I feel better.

27 July 2017