A Few Things I have Learned in Peace Corps

What privilege is (options, in a word)

What boredom is (not having to work)

I am a cat person, not a dog person

How to tell if I have giardia

What depression feels like

How to appreciate humanity (so much less misanthropy)

Why some development programs fail

I seem to use far less toilet paper than some others

How to look critically at programs aimed at fixing others’ problems

How bureaucracy can fail (both US and Zambian)

How to be assertive

How to laugh at myself

How to connect with God

How to accept my emotions and the beginnings of how to not let them control me

How thought shapes language (instead of vice versa)

28 July 2018

Things about which I am Greatly Relieved Upon Being Offered the Peace Corps Volunteer Leader Position

Being able to see Stephen graduate

Not having to worry about a new chimbushi (Pit latrines do fill up. After five and a half years of PCVs using it, mine was becoming dangerously full and a new one needed to be built.)

Not having to dig a new trash pit (this same day, I went and started to dig one anyways. My ataata and a neighbor rushed over to help me. Initiative is all it takes?)

No anxiety about what I will do for the next year

No anxiety about whether or not I will be hired as PCVL

No anxiety about if my bicycle will last another year (I was doing great compared to some of my friends’ rides. Those things were barely hanging on)

No worrying about the wet moulder of rainy season

Being able to continue being a PCV without being uncomfortable

Far fewer chimbushis (again with the pit latrines. Using them is fine. I just don’t like that you have to go outside at night or that they’re perfect hangout spots for snakes, bats, rodents, giant crickets, and big ol’ spiders)

The end of this stagnation in the village

The number of friends and peers who have great confidence in my future success

My host family is understanding and accepting of my switch to Central Province

My future boss is also understanding and communicative in such a refreshing way

I will be around people most, if not all the time

11 July 2018

Things of which I am Tired

Being sick

Not having network

Being seen as a free thing giver

                Or a white

                Or a female

                Or a foreigner

                Or a novelty

                Or anything other than a person, first

Roosters

Being undervalued

The immediate future being uncertain

The constant back and forth of staying here or going

Not having any work to do

People (mostly counterparts) being flaky with me

Being suspicious of everything that comes near my mouth

Every bump in the night causing panic

Sleeping alone, alone in a house

Being out of touch with my friends

Having way too much time alone

Coming up with productive ways to spend time

3 July 2018

Things to have Newfound Gratitude for

Having Stephen in my life (vs. not having him at all)

Having network a short walk away (vs. a long walk or not until a city)

Having flies in my chim (vs. snakes)

Having meetings with one or two people (vs. zero)

Having the flat path to my village dry (vs. flooded)

Having friends far away (vs. none at all)

Having options re: my role here (vs. static assignment)

Having this period of discomfort be a temporary learning experience (vs. my everyday existence)

Having a few good options of meals to make (vs. eating the same two foods every meal, every day)

Being able to sometimes connect with friends and family (vs. never or only at the end of these 27 months)

Being somewhat open in my mental state, being mature enough to look with a gentle and also analytical eye (vs. being fixed or done)

Being bored (as opposed to ceaseless toil)

Having sunshine for warmth and drying and charging and growing

Being well, when I am well

Sweet hugs from small children

15 June 2018