Miasma

Miasma (n)- foul vapors from rotting matter

It has been a bit of a rough homecoming, as I anticipated, though for different reasons. Being greeted warmly and leaving network behind felt generally nice. I was thinking, to escape that feeling of refreshing e-mail every five minutes in anticipation of an expected message is a surprising relief. Amaama aired out and swept my house yesterday and greeted me with a warm hug and ruckus cheering.

Inside the house was another story. All my clean clothes on my shelves had grown a nice layer of mold, as well as my leather jewelry, shoes, and knife case. Yuck. My roof leaks substantially and my host family didn’t have the time to patch it, so there is a mildew smell over everything, including the spot next to my pillow. I slept the other way on my bed and I was bothered by a smell of cooked cabbage.

This morning, as I was washing my mildew-y clothes and my (also mildew-y) dirty clothes from before the trip, I found two dead, decomposing mice in my hamper. They had eaten through a shirt of mine, pooped everywhere, and were now just mats of wet fur with grubs and maggots wriggling through. I think it speaks volumes on my oversaturation with cabbage here that I thought weeks-old decomposing mice smelled like cooked cabbage. This may have been one of the more disgusting things I’ve dealt with in my life. 

But I dealt with it, washed my clothes, and have enough sunlight to hang them up to dry. Fingers crossed it stays that way! I want to wash my sheets tomorrow! I’m surviving but wow am I exhausted, even after ten full hours of sleep, plus a four hour nap yesterday. Yikes.

I had such trepidation about returning to my village. There was a moment at the Lusaka airport upon returning, after seeing scores of families joyously greeting their loved ones, where I just wanted to walk right back in and board a plane to somewhere I knew I would be loved and comfortable. I’m not sure if that was P.E. or San Jose but in that moment, it didn’t matter. In leaving the airport, it just felt like I was walking away from all I know and love.

The same feeling was present in Solwezi. I was dreading sacrificing network (because at that time, it did feel like a sacrifice. Now, not so much) and returning to the dietary limitations of the village. Now that I’m here, I feel much more comfortable and settled than I had remembered. Yes, moldy clothes, lugging water, and leaky roofs suck, but generally life is okay. I’m going to be okay. And I’ll be stronger for it.

28 December 2017