Mettle

Mettle- (n) courage and fortitude

I subscribe to dictionary.com's word of the day, in which the website sends one interesting or seldom employed word to interested parties each day. Today's word was mettle, which I have recently become reacquainted with thanks to good ol' Will Shakespeare. I thought it was appropriate to share and think about. The definition of mettle could also read:

Mettle- (n) something of which I have naught

How am I leaving, in less than forty-eight hours, to travel halfway around the world, leaving what I know behind, without strong mettle? Is it normal to feel sheer terror at the idea of gaining a piece of the independence and self-reliance I yearn for?

I'm not sure exactly what I feel. Sheer terror, yes, but not in such an overwhelming sense that there isn't room for anxiety, eagerness, and curiosity as well. I have been vaguely planning this trip for nearly a year and a half and now it's year; I am approaching the culmination of a year and a half's worth of emotions.

I suppose what I feel most strongly is doubt, along with the terror, anxiety, eagerness, and curiosity. I doubt my ability to exist outside of the context I have known for my entire life. However I define myself, it includes at some level an existence within the sphere of the United States. I know that South African culture is not radically different from that of American [mainstream] culture, but it is the period and process of adapting that I see as both my biggest challenge and excitement. What gaffes will I make? Who might I offend? When will I act like a normal South African? Where will I get lost? What happens if I never find my way back?

At a deeper level, I know I'll be just fine. Realistically, what's the worst that could happen? Barring terrorist attacks and freak natural disasters, my potential damages consist of being mugged, being mauled, or accidentally offending a South African with my cultural ignorance.

What ignorance is that? I have read books, other travelers' blogs, travel advisories. I have attended orientations and listened to first-hand experience. I have made phone calls and e-mails and filled out an abundance of paperwork. I even learned how to make foreign wire-transfers and apply for a visa. What more could I do to prepare myself before I leave?

"Nothing," says the squeaky but wise little voice in my head. "Just Go."
What a foudroyant realization. Could this possibly be the mettle I need?

Maybe, maybe not. If not mettle, then certainly a reasonable helping of common sense. That, along with a few deep breathing exercises and plenty of flexibility, should be all I need.